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General Discussion => Chit Chat => Topic started by: Bucfever on May 14, 2018, 07:04:48 PM

Title: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 14, 2018, 07:04:48 PM
I actually thought about this earlier and just didn't do it, so I promise I didn't conceive of this just to brag. I just think it'd be cool to have a thread where we can talk about our life, either past, present or future (mainly past because I'm in this phase where I'm fascinated with American history, but more from ordinary people than like, watching documentaries with professional historians).

Anyways.

So, my contribution today is a "present" story than a past (earlier I'd thought about doing a "where were you during 9/11" thing, so that's more where my focus was in starting this).

Today, I got engaged. Um, again. But first time to my current girlfriend! And considering she's the first girl that I've dated and never broke up with, Im pretty confident this will stick. It'll be 2.5 years in June and everything's been great (I've had more than enough bad so I can easily recognise good these days), and that's that. So yeah.

Anyways, I think this will be a cool thread for life events and reflection or future plans. Ive never been to Michigan, I could listen to Norm spin tales about his college days in here. Hearing Crewe's stories from Texas and his many adventures. I enjoy Tider's stories about his family and I enjoy hearing his perspective from his Alabama roots. So hopefully we can all share here and, maybe one day no one will come to this place but all our tales will be here. 
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 14, 2018, 08:25:03 PM
first off, congrats dude! Im sure it will be perfect for the both of you.

I love American History as well with a special fixation on post civil war south, or as we knew it as kids, cowboys and Indians.  8)
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 14, 2018, 09:26:06 PM
See, I've had this odd fixation on, essentially, the 20s, 40s, 50s and 70s. And not so much the wars and what not, just, the lives of the general public. Watching Twilight Zone and just seeing the set designs and the ways people are portrayed (before weird stuff happens) or the few happy episodes that tend to focus on suburbia, it's just fascinating to me.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 14, 2018, 09:31:49 PM
well, thats all part of it, I mean no matter the era, people are people. its really interesting to see society progress whether it be via mores ala prohibition or via industry and everything in between. In short, I agree with you
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on May 14, 2018, 11:43:23 PM
First things first: congratulations to you and the fiance!

I'm really looking forward to seeing where this thread goes. :)
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: rollntider on May 15, 2018, 01:17:56 AM
First things first: congratulations to you and the fiance!

I'm really looking forward to seeing where this thread goes. :)

Congrats Buc!!!!
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 15, 2018, 11:52:38 AM
You know, growing up in the 90s feels completely different. I saw once on Twitter or somewhere, and obviously the science behind this can be debated, but that kids from my generation became so used to technological progress, we went from cassettes, to CDs, to MP3s to streaming. We went from MSDOS to Windows and the internet and eventually smart phones and tablets, all within about 20 years, so that we've always been stuck in this state of transition between resources. VHS to DVD to blu-ray to streaming too. Obviously, the video games too have progressed incredibly in just 20 years, which, while the jump from PS3 to PS4 was actually noticeable, it wasn't as big a jump as previous console iterations (and why game companies are looking to VR to save them).

So it's always funny to me to look back at times because they were there, but so shortly. Whereas someone like my dad, who can certainly appreciate the transition, actually got to spend considerable time in the "before" (and, presumably, will for the "after" too), I'm going to spend more of my life with this technology (and who knows what else) than I did without. And, really, the internet is still in its infancy and who knows if anyone truly knows what it IS yet.

I saw an article the other day, I think it was from nymag.com, but they were talking about how they "don't know how to be bored on the internet" anymore. Way back in the early days of the internet, it was the wild west and you didn't need much to impress. There were distractions EVERYWHERE. Newgrounds, Homestarrunner, Maddox, Ebaumsworld, Cracked, SomethingAwful. There were writers just writing whatever the hell they wanted (again, Cracked and Maddox), there were awfully designed websites with terrible layouts and poorly colored text against a poorly colored background. Everyone wanted to use this new thing and see how much fun they could have with it.

And then there was a shift, and suddenly Snapchat and MySpace and Facebook and, really, social media started developing and the internet just became about ourselves. It became about our own ideologies. We didn't care about having fun or being entertained, now we just wanted to find like minds who believed in what we believed, wrong or right (Reddit, 4chan, even Facebook). The internet suddenly became "the cult of me."

It's really sad. It's one of the reasons I'm glad I found my way back here and connected with you guys. Blindsideblitz really is a throwback. It's not about one thing, although the elements certainly all tie in together. Really, though, if BSB had a facebook page and a twitter account and grossly promoted itself, we'd have an influx of characters that would inevitably end up unruly. And, I'm not saying back in the day the internet wasn't without it's assholes (Hey guys, remember Madden Planet and crazed Andy from Madden World, I believe it was? I do), but everyone's so wrapped up in their bubbles these days that any information that threatens to burst it immediately sends them into a frenzy.

To a certain extent, I get it. We live in really, really strange times. Social media became a weapon, evidently, and it's done it's work well. I left Facebook this year after the Cambridge Analytica nonsense and I don't regret it one bit. It became such a hive for negativity and I just don't need that in my life right now (or ever). And yeah, I had my friends list very curated and even some of those friends I had set to not show their posts in my news feed, it was still lurking in the comments of every article. Everyone knows you can't go to the comments on ESPN articles (and, granted, that may have also been a before social media thing, but it's certainly gotten worse). The loudest voices, no matter how large or small, have always been the loudest, and the hatred and vitriol that regularly flows on the internet has certainly grown louder and louder.

We've seen (and confirmed) movements like GamerGate being used and recruited from for various white nationalist movements. Obviously, beyond just the internet, we've seen (and confirmed) electronic interference in our elections, so bad that some states are actively considering going back to paper ballots, which would suck but be worth it as opposed to the alternative, obviously.

We've seen a search engine become part of the global economy and absolutely redefine what can be done with technology. We've seen a glorified shopping website grow into one of the largest, most profitable business today that now includes streaming services, grocery stores and book stores somehow. We've also seen that same website killing off the old guard of the retail industry (not a Toys R Us reference though, they were killed by something else).

I'm 30 (well, 31 in 14 days OH MY GOD IT'S ONLY TWO WEEKS AWAY), but I always tell people I'm a classic and am more like 60. I enjoy 1920s music, scotch, and peace and quiet, haha. While I certainly acknowledge I may be too focused on the negative (Twitter doesn't help), I can't help but wonder, be it out of nostalgia or something else, if maybe, in the long run, we actually were better off without the internet.

Then again, I wouldn't have met all of you guys and had, essentially, a place to go during high school where I knew I could escape for a while with a group of people, whether we were playing Mafia games, TUFF or just shooting the breeze. So, I don't know.

Like I said at the top, in this (hopefully) middle age I now find myself in (GUYS I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL WHEN I JOINED THIS SITE I WAS A TEENAGER), I've been doing a lot of reckoning with my past and present, as well as considering mine and my son's future. Every parent worries for their child and I'm no different, I know that, but like all parents I worry about the world that's being left to him, but I consider the world that I grew up in that was left to me. I'm trying to reconcile the dark of this world with the light, and I have so many questions about this life that I know will never be answered (sorry guys, not religious). So, I talk. And I think. And I post here, I suppose.



............This one, while there was a theme, was certainly more general. I do intend to do some "where were you when" type things (this was almost about Columbine before I decided to go in a different direction), but again, this is a place just to reflect and consider and record our history. I hope to see you guys in here too, but I'll be a fairly regular presence here too.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 17, 2018, 06:37:16 PM
We were better off without the internet, but we weren't.
But I don't think you can just apply it to the internet without technology as a whole when comparing times. This is my subjective post, so Ill try to elaborate.
I absolutely miss just talking to people. I miss not being watched or tracked every instance of every single day of my life.
I miss newspapers and magazines.
Do you realize we used to just sit at the red lights? How 1800's does that sound? It seems so odd now, but walking down the street, your head was up, people were sociable, more inviting. Now Im not trying to make it sound like a utopia of camaraderie, but it was certainly much more friendly than now.
I remember the first mobile phone I saw in the early 80's on the golf course with my dad. It blew my mind, how was that even possible?
Then I had one and at first it was cool, but then, people could contact you wherever you were and we were soon engulfed.
1984 was a reality.
So much vile hatred everywhere now, so much negativity. What spawned it? The internet. Social media as you touched on. Ive been off Facebook for years now. I remember making a post to my "hundreds" of friends, message me your number or email if you want me to have it because Im done tomorrow, or whenever it was and I received exactly 0 contacts. Not that I cared I knew they were all full of shit anyway. Its social status, like the Black Mirror episode and its no fun, to me anyway.
It is very much a hive minded society and extremely divisive and its only going to get worse IMO. Honestly, Im glad I won't be around for a hell of a lot of it in the future because I see a severe lack of humanity now, I can only imagine what it will be like down the road. Negative view? Maybe. But there's more than a shred of reality there too.

That said, now, I have a wealth of information at my fingertips. I used to have to dig out a dictionary to ensure my spelling was correct, but not now. And btw, spelling really pisses me off, especially now. I know the millennials hate grammar Nazi's, but I was taught spelling reflects who you are and with it so easily correctable there's really no reason for errors and I hate it. Now Im not talking about Youtube comments but professional communication, even casual to an extent, but I digress.
The gizmos and gadgets we have are amazing and will only get better. It reaches into every part of our lives, which can be good. I don't know that it balances out the bad on the whole, for me, but I enjoy what we have and look forward to more.
We have communities like this one and to add on buc, Im sure Im not alone when I say I have friends Ive kept through several Madden leagues, through some online gameplay etc...
Ive flown out to meet internet friends just for the hell of it, and hope to do it again. Its amazing when I think I have friends Ive known for 15 years that I met playing a stupid video football game. Thats the cool stuff right there.

When I was growing up, we yearned to learn about the past generations, now? Not really. So Im glad when I run across younger folk who know about something as trivial as Pink Floyd, or about Animal House, who the allies were in WWI or even what D.C. stands for in Washington D.C., and that isnt a baseless reference FYI.

Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 17, 2018, 07:31:50 PM
When I was growing up, we yearned to learn about the past generations, now?

I may have to admit, part of the reason I started this was to try to get stories from you and others here who have, uh, preceded me in existence on this Earth, heh.

Ive heard my father's stories, but obviously those are specific to an Italian kid growing up on Long Island. I feel confident the experiences and anecdotes and upbringing of our members here probably are not 100% the same, and diverge more the further we get in your timeline.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 17, 2018, 07:37:45 PM
To your point about language, I will say, mistakes are certainly annoying and easily avoidable in a professional setting, that's absolutely correct, but even "internet speak," as much as I would advise not using it in your resume, is it's own language. Language is ever evolving, even if that language consists of emojis and acronyms, it's still a method of communicating that most of us whove spent time on the internet understand, no matter how childish it may look. Obviously, all of us here are very adept at putting our thoughts into actual words, but I dont think those who choose not to when on the web should be looked down upon (not that I think that's what you're doing).

Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 18, 2018, 12:03:48 AM
When I was growing up, we yearned to learn about the past generations, now?

I may have to admit, part of the reason I started this was to try to get stories from you and others here who have, uh, preceded me in existence on this Earth, heh.

Ive heard my father's stories, but obviously those are specific to an Italian kid growing up on Long Island. I feel confident the experiences and anecdotes and upbringing of our members here probably are not 100% the same, and diverge more the further we get in your timeline.

And see, that's what I like, talking to people. Having conversations that won't devolve into hatred based on ones political stance or favorite football team. Everything is just so shallow.
I realize I'm coming off as a get off my lawn type fella lol

I agree on the evolving language and I'm ok with that. Email is central to our lives, business and casual, and I'm not suggesting I get grumpy over typos. We can distinguish between those and spelling errors and poor grammar.
Example; I performed a job for this nationwide agency and I asked what formats they prefer for their videos.  I received a form, one they deliver to every vendor in the country, and it reads "we except these formats...."
 :o
Again, this is just me and I realize it sounds like I'm not that forgiving, but it just makes me sad for society.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on May 18, 2018, 04:59:29 PM
Growing up in the 80s, all we ever had were fire drills and severe weather drills in schools. Gotta imagine it was the same for most of you here too. Although one time my freshman year in HS someone called in a bomb threat in the middle of January so that kind of sucked because it was cold but most of us still laughed about it because it was most likely a prank...or someone trying to get out of an exam for a little bit. Overall though, the fire and severe weather drills were the norm for us because hey, you never know.

A few good friends of mine are HS teachers now, and a couple of weeks ago one of them looked a little shaken up. Asked her what was wrong, and she said they had gone through their ALICE training that day. Took me a few seconds to realize that it was active shooter training, and then I was a little shook about it too because this is the normal for kids and our friends now. Now I'm just angry that this is the fucking normal we have to put up with now because hey, you never know.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 18, 2018, 11:21:04 PM
Growing up in the 80s, all we ever had were fire drills and severe weather drills in schools. Gotta imagine it was the same for most of you here too. Although one time my freshman year in HS someone called in a bomb threat in the middle of January so that kind of sucked because it was cold but most of us still laughed about it because it was most likely a prank...or someone trying to get out of an exam for a little bit. Overall though, the fire and severe weather drills were the norm for us because hey, you never know.

A few good friends of mine are HS teachers now, and a couple of weeks ago one of them looked a little shaken up. Asked her what was wrong, and she said they had gone through their ALICE training that day. Took me a few seconds to realize that it was active shooter training, and then I was a little shook about it too because this is the normal for kids and our friends now. Now I'm just angry that this is the fucking normal we have to put up with now because hey, you never know.

I know what you mean. Our drills were a pain in the butt because it wasn't likely to occur. But active shooter training? Man, that's a life skill cops or military should receive, not high school kids.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 19, 2018, 02:57:11 PM
Growing up in the 80s, all we ever had were fire drills and severe weather drills in schools. Gotta imagine it was the same for most of you here too. Although one time my freshman year in HS someone called in a bomb threat in the middle of January so that kind of sucked because it was cold but most of us still laughed about it because it was most likely a prank...or someone trying to get out of an exam for a little bit. Overall though, the fire and severe weather drills were the norm for us because hey, you never know.

A few good friends of mine are HS teachers now, and a couple of weeks ago one of them looked a little shaken up. Asked her what was wrong, and she said they had gone through their ALICE training that day. Took me a few seconds to realize that it was active shooter training, and then I was a little shook about it too because this is the normal for kids and our friends now. Now I'm just angry that this is the fucking normal we have to put up with now because hey, you never know.

I don't want to get too overly political or lose the point of this thread, but I will add to this, that apparently 2018 so far has had more children murdered by guns in schools than it has service members killed in combat or non-combat related deaths this year.

And don't get me wrong, I'd much rather both those #s be at 0, but for a fact the students should not be outnumbering the service members (hell, the students shouldn't even have one, let alone as many as they do).

https://www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/news/politics/wp/2018/05/18/2018-has-been-deadlier-for-schoolchildren-than-service-members/?noredirect=on&__twitter_impression=true
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: cflnut on May 19, 2018, 04:49:45 PM
Congrats Buc on your engagement.

This kind of topic has always interesting especially when it's told from a individual's point of view. As being the non-american here I my be to give a different point of view as to how America was seen during the pre-internet years.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 19, 2018, 05:13:48 PM
Congrats Buc on your engagement.

This kind of topic has always interesting especially when it's told from a individual's point of view. As being the non-american here I my be to give a different point of view as to how America was seen during the pre-internet years.

That sounds absolutely fascinating. Please do! I'd also love to hear about life in general up north as well!
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: cflnut on May 20, 2018, 04:04:56 PM
Overall I would say that Canada and the United States are pretty similar. Both countries have developed at the same rate and, for the most part, we both share the same advantages. Albeit Canada does pay a higher cost for some of those. Life in the two countries is still, overall, the same.

To get a better understanding I’ll do a bit of a comparison between different areas of each country. This will just be a generalization comparison of how the people of each province can be viewed if it were from the U.S.A. And yes I am stereotyping here, but I do not mean any offence by it, I’m just trying to give an overall perspective.

Also before I get started here let me just state that Canada, as a whole, has no distinct culture of its own. I’ll expand on this later.

Starting on the west coast there is British Columbia, which would be more related to Washington or California with possibly a little bit of Oregon thrown in. Because the city of Vancouver is use as kind of an “Every Town” by a lot of Hollywood productions. People from here tend to have a “Holier than Thou” attitude. Partially because they might have once served some celebrity a triple cream chocolate latte at a Starbucks once, and now think they are best friends because they got a selfie with them.

Next comes Alberta, and Saskatchewan. Also known collectively as the Prairies. Alberta and Saskatchewan are more the “cowboy” provinces. So more or less they would be similar to Montana, Texas, & Oklahoma. Saskatchewan has also been compared to Green Bay, or at least as far as their football teams go. These two provinces are also the most opposed to most types of change. An example of this is the reluctance to admit that climate change is happening.

Moving on we have Manitoba, and the easiest way to describe it is to think of the one state that everyone forgot about in geography class and that’s pretty much it. Another way of looking at it is, the one place that, unless you’re from there, nobody ever wants to live, or even go there.

Ontario can be broken up in three different ways, based on the three major cities there. First off Hamilton, also known as Steeltown. This is the grab your lunch pail and go, working class type city. Easiest comparison would be Michigan, or Detroit to be more specific. Next there is Toronto, the business capital of Canada. More or less New York. There are a lot of people from here who believe that Toronto should be part of the U.S. and not part of Canada at all. Finally there’s Ottawa, the political capital of Canada, or in comparison Washington D.C. and I’ll leave it at that cause I think it’s self-explanatory.

Then there’s Quebec, and the reason why Canada has two official languages. French is the primary language here and if they remember they’ll speak English. Just think of the one state that the rest of the country doesn’t want around, and is constantly bitching if they don’t get their way, and you’ve got Quebec.

The four Maritimes provinces are next. New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, and Prince Edward Island are easily comparable to Maine or New Hampshire. Also part of the Maritimes is Newfoundland. With this one it’s hard to compare with anyplace within the U.S. as they are more akin to Ireland than anywhere else. They also have their own language there, so unless you’re from there you might not understand them.

Finally there are three territories in Canada. Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nunavut. For the most part the rest of Canada tends to forget about them. The closest comparison I would say is Alaska. You know that their there but you don’t really care.

I hope this helps as to giving a generalized idea of what different parts of Canada are like. As for myself I can only speak to what life in Alberta is like as I have lived my whole life here. I have traveled and met people from different parts of the country but can’t truly speak as to what life may be like outside of Alberta. All I can offer is this “stereotype” comparison.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 20, 2018, 04:24:23 PM
Oh man, that's good to know about BC. I keep planning to go to Vancouver to see a hockey game but totally forgot to this season. Ah, maybe next year. I'll also have to keep an eye out to see when a movie is being filmed. That'd be cool to go and see too.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 20, 2018, 07:00:33 PM
Id love to go to Vancouver to see a hockey game.
When I was growing up, you'd always here if X happens Im going to Canada or if Y is elected Im moving to Canada.
I always thought, what's wrong with that, why is it considered a bad thing? Always seemed close to America to me, not only literally lol
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: thaima1shu on May 21, 2018, 04:45:05 PM
Vancouver is great to visit for the food. Specifically, they have some of the best Chinese food on the entire west coast. Richmond in particular.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 23, 2018, 10:24:56 PM
I would have had my house paid for in 12 years.
I say would have because today I signed a contract selling it off.
Financially, this was not a wise decision, but the thing is, I wanted a new start and am not really happy here.
So since I have to work till I drop dead no matter what, I might as well find a place I like just a little better.
I cant afford anything much better which makes it an even more questionable move but the hell with it.
If it turns out to be a bad decision, it will just be another in a lifetime of bad decisions. if not, it will begin a streak of good decisions.
I have till the 15th to find another place to live. This should be interesting.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 23, 2018, 11:39:03 PM
I moved across the country about 2 weeks after flying out to get an apartment. Do what you gotta do, Crewe.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 29, 2018, 08:38:08 PM
yea, its done.
the buyer will lease my house back to me for the rest of June, hoping I can find something and close by then, but if not, Ill just rent somewhere although moving twice will suck.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on June 21, 2018, 01:05:32 PM
This is going to be some off-the-rails thinking, but I DO wonder:

What's the effect of the "save game" option in video games these days on kids? Let me explain a little.

I was playing Super Punch Out on the SNES the other day and I am AWFUL. I am SO BAD at this game. And, there's not even really a difficulty setting, I don't think, it just ramps up with each fighter.

So, I'm thinking how did I do this as a kid? And, of course, the answer is practice. On all those NES games, most Sega games, I think, if not all, and a decent amount of SNES games, you either had to just become so good at the game that you can beat it in one setting or that was that. Yes, eventually we got password saves (remember that? Jesus, Phantom 2049 on SNES had like, 30 character passwords. It was the worst. Even Madden on the Game Boy had a password save system for playing a season).

Anyways.

So, with games these days having the option for far lower difficulty levels and for allowing you to save wherever and whenever you want (in a vast majority of games. Uncharted and Bioshock: Infinite are two more recent games that used a checkpoint save system, but Uncharted is VERY generous about where it saves and I think Bioshock was too, although, admittedly, I did not play much of the third game).

It may seem silly, but if you got a game as a kid (whether you bought it with allowance money or maybe your parents bought it for you), you felt a commitment to that game. So, you put in the time, you put in the work, and you got to the end. Sometimes, you didn't beat the game. I made it to the final level of Darkwing Duck on the NES ONCE, ever, and I lost.

That was a badge of honor though back then! It wasn't about "did you beat this game," it was as simple as either "how far did you get" or "what was your final score," if it was a game with scores (think Donkey Kong or Pac-Man).

Am I just an old man yelling at clouds, or is there a possibility that, psychologically, the proliferation of the save state across video games has led to a more gratification-oriented experience vs genuine gameplay? (except for those who seek it out, obviously. Looking at you, Dark Souls players).

Thoughts? Elaborations? Objections?
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on June 21, 2018, 01:41:35 PM
First off, I love the fact you call em kids and refer to yourself as an old man lol

But yes, I agree with you in the satisfaction aspect of completing a game, or not, as the case may be. There were many a game where I just said fuck it, and quit playing because I couldn't beat it. Id trade it with friends who would give me games they completed and the like.
However, I also agree with the game save feature as it would be treacherous to start some of these games over from the beginning.
I even found myself bitching once because I had a hard time completing a portion of a leg and died then was taken back to the beginning of the segment. "I have to do this again, really?"
Until now, I haven't given it much thought. I don't really think it ties in with the "everybody gets a trophy" culture I despise but its an interesting conversation.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on June 21, 2018, 09:03:41 PM
First off, I love the fact you call em kids and refer to yourself as an old man lol

This is usually where people say "I'm an old soul," but I hate that phrase.

I just feel older and more traditional than my 31 years of age.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on June 21, 2018, 11:49:01 PM
First off, I love the fact you call em kids and refer to yourself as an old man lol

This is usually where people say "I'm an old soul," but I hate that phrase.

I just feel older and more traditional than my 31 years of age.

nothing wrong with that at all. I was just picking at the fact a young man was calling others kids, its what us older fellas giggle about lol
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on June 22, 2018, 12:47:22 AM
Like Crewe, I think it's an interesting point that I haven't really given much thought to. Ultimately to me save points are convenient (I wish Top Gun for the NES had it because I've only beaten the game ONCE in the decades I've owned that game), and as far as games go I think it's more about the individual user.

Like you mentioned, Buc, when you buy a game you feel a commitment to that game (then AND now, IMO). But my addition to that is once someone purchases that game it's their individual choice to decide how they want to play it, because ultimately it's their game and they should play in whatever way brings them the most satisfaction. For every one person that plays a game on easy just to get through the story, there's another person that will run that game on ultra super badass mode because they can't have it any other way. Cool either way.

Definitely an interesting talking point, though, and it does crack me up a little bit that we look at all the conveniences that "the kids" have now...because I know damn well our parents/teachers were saying the same thing about us when we were younger too. My parents used to joke that they had kids so they had someone to stand by the tv to change the channel, now you kids just have your damn remotes.  ;)
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on June 22, 2018, 01:07:37 AM
Like Crewe, I think it's an interesting point that I haven't really given much thought to. Ultimately to me save points are convenient (I wish Top Gun for the NES had it because I've only beaten the game ONCE in the decades I've owned that game), and as far as games go I think it's more about the individual user.

Like you mentioned, Buc, when you buy a game you feel a commitment to that game (then AND now, IMO). But my addition to that is once someone purchases that game it's their individual choice to decide how they want to play it, because ultimately it's their game and they should play in whatever way brings them the most satisfaction. For every one person that plays a game on easy just to get through the story, there's another person that will run that game on ultra super badass mode because they can't have it any other way. Cool either way.

Definitely an interesting talking point, though, and it does crack me up a little bit that we look at all the conveniences that "the kids" have now...because I know damn well our parents/teachers were saying the same thing about us when we were younger too. My parents used to joke that they had kids so they had someone to stand by the tv to change the channel, now you kids just have your damn remotes.  ;)

This cracks me up because it's true. When I was a kid, I had to get up, walk over and change the channels. It's like it was another lifetime. No pizza delivery, no cable, having to stand in the kitchen to talk on the phone, cash was king, everywhere!
And norm, it is interesting with the parents. Even just a few years ago, I'd talk to my mom about when she was a kid and what her mom bitched at her about lol
Man, talk to anyone who grew up in the depression, you'll appreciate everything, immediately, or at least you should. My mom would tell me tales about going to the outhouse at night and having to hit the seat to clear away any spiders. Things are pretty good here, comparatively. 😎
Not sure where I was headed but I'll stop here 😬
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on July 07, 2018, 01:06:36 AM
So, 2017 was the worst year I have had in some 15 years or more probably and I was looking forward to getting it behind me.
Dealing with my mom's estate, a breakup, business falling off, friends not being friends, shitty house and even my bowling suffered as well lol Nothing was going my way.
I had high hopes for 18 though.
Over the breakup, estate handled, ditched my shitty house, bought another one more me, and although moving sucks canal water as we all know, I was eager to get beyond these first few weeks and months to getting settled in and also diving in to my new hobbies.
But it wasn't meant for happiness to settle on me for long.
Last night I discovered a friend that worked at my bowling alley passed away suddenly the day before. Always in a good mood, always interested in how things were with me, shared interest in music, and now he's gone.
Its me so you know it gets worse...
My wonderfully happy lovable 8 year old dog was diagnosed with cancer today. Well, most likely cancer they said. Ill have to have more tests to be sure, which I will do because he's worth at least that much.
But I am beyond devastated. Worst part is, Im convinced he's knows somethings up because of my reactions and behavior all the sudden.
Seriously, fuck 2018 and fuck my life, I absolutely hate it, again.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on July 07, 2018, 10:12:28 AM
So, first off, MIGHT want to take a break from Six Feet Under because you may be a little too close to the material right now (or maybe watching it will be cathartic, you're on the final season after all. I dunno).

Death has always been a weird thing to me. I'm terrified of it, yet my fiance almost seems to welcome it (she's not like, skydiving or doing anything risky to bring it forth, it just simply doesn't bother her). I guess it really depends on your perspective. Whether you believe in a better place or just eternal rest, some people find comfort in it. I couldn't say what your friend believed, but maybe, were he able to perceive what has occurred, he wouldn't be bothered or saddened but looked upon it in some positive light.

I lost my grandmother last year suddenly. She was 93, so, I can't exactly say it wasn't her time, but she'd been in perfect health until she just suddenly had a stroke. It even looked like she was recovering fine, but just a few weeks later she was back in the hospital and it was over.

I got you on the dog thing too. I never had a pet growing up, and I never really wanted one. Especially after having a kid, I just didn't see a need for another living thing in my home that I have to feed and clean up after. But, my fiance had a cat when we started dating and we even adopted another, and now sometimes I catch myself ruminating on that inevitable day, because I know we'll both be utter wrecks. I feel like I'm trying to prepare myself, but I guess when you love something and have that close of a bond, you interact daily and you've cared for and nurtured this living being like a child, there's no way to really prepare yourself.

Is it possible that after more tests, it won't be cancer and something they can cure? Or, even if it is cancer, is there any possibility they detected it early enough to cut it out?
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on July 07, 2018, 02:35:37 PM
Six Feet is just a well thought out presentation of mental stability and happiness in my mind, more about life, so that doesn't bother me.
I didn't know him well enough to know how he thought about such things, hell, I don't even know how I feel about it. Some days I don't care what happens, other days I might. My personal problem is finding something Im passionate about which I have no flipping clue what that is or where it is or how to find it.
As for my dog, Ill have a biopsy done and then Ill be given options. However, when he was coughing up blood, I knew that wasn't good. The growth is in his lung and it bothers him, I can tell because he is frequently trying to scratch that area and then he realizes its internal. Going off in the other room by himself, his walks are down to 1/3 of a mile because he's so tired. Normally we hit 1.25 to 1.5 miles, so yea, it doesn't look good.
Then again, what do I know. Ill just wait and see what next week brings. Whatever it is, its apparently going to be shitty for another long while
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on July 07, 2018, 02:41:59 PM
Well, I think you mentioned playing guitar in another thread. Do you paint? Write? Love hopscotch? Whatever it is that you could invest yourself in and bring yourself joy.

Howard Stern talks a lot about how his life changed since entering therapy, and one of the biggest things is apparently he liked painting and wanted to do that more, and that's one of the things he does in his off time now. He doesn't share it with anyone (I'm sure his wife, but that's it) because it's solely for him. It's something he enjoys, relieves his stress, and makes him happier than sadder.

I don't mean to oversimplify if it's coming across like I am, but I'd say there's likely something you've wanted to do or enjoy doing that you could either start doing or do more for your enjoyment.

I don't think it's particularly healthy myself, but when I'm stressed out I play videogames. The nice thing about playing on the PS4 is I'm so focused on what's happening on the screen and coordinating my hands and eyes together, that I don't have time to think about the world crashing down around me. It's one of the reasons I prefer playing something like MLB (no matter how infuriating, although less so with the lower difficulty) vs just watching TV, because inevitably I'll find myself fiddling on my phone while watching TV which eventually leads me to the hellhole of Twitter and a reminder that everything is horrible.

I feel like learning to play an instrument is a similar thing that requires 100% focus. Heck, even just reading, if that's your thing. Yeah, inevitably I'll read about 20 pages and then take a peek at my phone, but if the book's good usually it's just a quick perusal of whatever new article's been posted on Gawker (really, io9, Deadspin and/or Kotaku) or here and I avoid Twitter because I want to get back to the book, even as I make sure news from my interests doesn't pass me by.

I don't know, maybe this whole post is a whole lot of nothing. This is my attempt to support, I hope something in here may be helpful, and if not, maybe the effort can put a smile on your face. :)
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on July 07, 2018, 03:12:24 PM
yea, planning on picking up guitar as soon as I get settled here, and also wanting to get my vinyl listening room going too.
So yea theres other things I want to do, but nothing fuels me.
For instance, my nephew plays music. thats all his existence revolves around. He will work to support that. he doesn't give a shit about material things, nice houses,c are, doesn't give a shit about friends who flaunt wealth, he wants to play with his band and put out music and thats all he's about because it drives him. he doesn't even want to be famous, he just wants to jam.
So, things like, me gettin back to bowling and really improving has been fun, taking it seriously, interested in yoga for health and mobility interested in guitar, Spanish, culinary, all that jazz but none of it lights me up.
Thats what Im missing.

And you aren't oversimplifying, I get it. I do the same thing with video games too, its a nice way to zone out doing something you like. Reading is a great hobby too although I have put it on the back burner as of late, but I agree with you and it is supportive, it helps and is appreciated.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on July 07, 2018, 10:19:51 PM
Damn, dude. That is an absolutely shitty combination of breaks, and I hope you find whatever it takes to cope. A dog's love is unconditional and loyal.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on July 09, 2018, 12:24:27 PM
thanks fellas
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on July 14, 2018, 01:01:50 PM
So, I don't want the Life thread to be incredibly depressing, yet, here we go.

So, the other day I found out my brother's getting divorced and it's completely his fault. To make a long story short and vaguely detailed, he met a girl through work who, he says, was going through a troubled time. She apparently was also always asking for money, which, red flag. Oh, and she was 21. Eventually it was her bday and apparently she was pouty about no one saying happy birthday or caring, so my brother took her out for one drink, which he says he has the receipt for to show it was really just one drink, and that was that. After that she got clingy and crazy and he had to end it. Now, this was 4 months ago, and now my brother's wife found out because some person contacted her and got her involved and now there's drama.

Except, apparently my brother told my mom, he did actually sleep with this girl. So, there's that.

Here's what I told him. My brother and I both have a history of not being the best at relationships. We aren't always thinking with the brain between our shoulders. And, sadly, this wouldn't be the first time he'd done this, in his life or even with his wife (I know it definitely happened when they were dating and I think there's been incidents since, although I'm not sure how concrete that is).

Anyways, what I told him, is back when I was in A-School at Pensacola, I had a buddy who was in the SERE program. However, he got sick, pneumonia or something, and was restricted to bed rest. One day he decided he felt well enough and wanted something other than galley food, so he left the base to get McDonalds, and he was found and because of that, he was kicked out of SERE school. It's an extremely stupid reason to get kicked out and a silly thing, but, as he put it, "He put himself in a position to be questioned."

And that's the thing. Regardless if my brother did something or not (which, granted, he clearly did), when you have the history we have, you don't have the luxury of putting yourself into a position to be questioned. This is how/why guys end up pulling the gaslighting move, and that obviously has seriously harmful, negative effects on the mental health of the partner.

The thing here, is, for me, I used to be that guy. I cheated on every girl EXCEPT my fiance. Seeing him go down like this, though, as he's only four years older than me, it's put me in a rut. You'd think that, with two great jobs (they're pulling in about 160K combined, whereas my fiance and I are maybe around the 90K. Plus, they're living in Greenville, SC, where cost of living and taxes and whatnot are SUPER low, whereas we're in pricey ass Bothell, WA, albeit by choice and I wouldn't have it any other way), two great kids, an amazing house and all that, but clearly he either A) wasn't satisfied or B) can't ignore his impulses.

So now here I am, worried about if I'm next. Now, the advantage I have is, I've been through therapy, and I know and acknowledge my flaws, both normal, everyday human flaws and the big mental defects (hello, Borderline Personality Disorder). Knowing your demons is important and I know my brother's denied his for quite some time. And I know why he did this. He can say he was trying to help someone out and be a nice guy and went in too deep or whatever, but I know what it's like, I've been there. Evidently we both are attracted to super bright, neon, screaming red flags, maybe because we know by now how to work in that area. Look, I'm not proud about the person I was or the things I did. At some point I realized so called "damaged goods" were easier to relate to and, if you will, "groom" to get to that point, and I'm sure he was doing the same thing. Plus, I remember the thrill of the chase. I remember the high you get when you're going through those motions, each subsequent victory, until you finally get in bed. It's a rush. It's a fucking rush, simply put. And sometimes that can be hard to put away.

It makes me worry that I'll slip back. The last thing I ever want to do is anything to hurt my fiance, because this has really been the greatest relationship ever and I really, truly love her. Every other relationship I've had, there's always been multiple breakups. She's the first girl I never broke up with, not even once. We just work so well together. I don't feel bored. I don't feel unsatisfied. But I don't want those base impulses to drive me again.

Maybe I'm worrying about nothing because, unlike my brother who only, finally, just now claims to realize he needs help, I already recognize these things. Maybe, if nothing else, going into the Navy and getting diagnosed with BPD, and making SO may mistakes but making them early in my life, I've really been granted a true second chance and opportunity to do the right things, whereas he, who has never suffered the consequences I have, ended up making his mistakes later in life because of it.

It's a weird way to live, never truly trusting yourself. It's important to keep your guard up, but my goodness it is exhausting. Funny thing is, I'll see girls, when I'm at a ballgame or driving home and they're just walking down the sidewalk, and they're good looking or "my type," and I go "Ah, she's nice" and then my brain will immediately move on (the whole "You can look at the menu but you can't touch the food" type of nonsense). Back in the day, when I was at my worst, my brain didn't move on. It was like "I wonder what she's like, what she's into, what she's like in bed," etc etc. I don't have that anymore. Maybe I'm alright. Maybe I'm past it all and those days are behind me. But then I see him and it's a reminder that I can never stop being vigilant against myself, because my BPD and my self destructive nature are my biggest enemy and always have been. The second I slouch off, I may end up like him. I don't want that anymore. The grass isn't greener on the other side for me, it's dark and bleak and it ends in horror. I just don't ever want to forget that, not now, not 10 years from now, not 20.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on July 14, 2018, 10:30:25 PM
Being aware of your shortcomings and faults is one thing; addressing them is another, and you've done both. Thats not a guarantee, but its as good as you can get.
Like you, ive don the same, and know that you have a head start because you figured this shit out in life before I did, and its not just about relationships either as you obviously know.

On to the ladies...ive got a cousin who trashed every single relationship he's been in and sparing the deets, the only reason he's been in this one so long is because his wife is truly into him, and he sincerely loves her, but he just, cheats. I don't get it, Ill never get it, and thats not a knock on anyone, its just foreign to me. When Im single, as now, Im like you were, looking and imagining everything. When Im with someone, that habit wanes for me and I can't explain it. Point is, we ar all wired differently and I think, for what its worth, as long as we understand and address our traits, good bad or indifferent, I think we have a much better chance at happiness.

Not for nothin dude, I honestly think you'll be fine. If for no other reason, you are keenly aware of your world and what you want to be and if you are inherently happy, which you appear to be, I think your instincts will guide you where you want to go.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on July 15, 2018, 12:04:27 AM
Being aware of your shortcomings and faults is one thing; addressing them is another, and you've done both. Thats not a guarantee, but its as good as you can get.
Like you, ive don the same, and know that you have a head start because you figured this shit out in life before I did, and its not just about relationships either as you obviously know.

On to the ladies...ive got a cousin who trashed every single relationship he's been in and sparing the deets, the only reason he's been in this one so long is because his wife is truly into him, and he sincerely loves her, but he just, cheats. I don't get it, Ill never get it, and thats not a knock on anyone, its just foreign to me. When Im single, as now, Im like you were, looking and imagining everything. When Im with someone, that habit wanes for me and I can't explain it. Point is, we ar all wired differently and I think, for what its worth, as long as we understand and address our traits, good bad or indifferent, I think we have a much better chance at happiness.

Not for nothin dude, I honestly think you'll be fine. If for no other reason, you are keenly aware of your world and what you want to be and if you are inherently happy, which you appear to be, I think your instincts will guide you where you want to go.

Basically all of this. You being aware of your faults/shortcomings and addressing them? That shit's huge. Not many people can do that. Also sounds like you've seriously met your soulmate. Seems like you two communicate often and are completely open. That's awesome, and underrated. Can't work through life's little speedbumps together if the communication isn't always there, y'know?

We've all fallen in and out of love a few times, I'm sure. I'm similar in the sense that once I'm with somebody, that urge to 'look at the menu but not order' tends to wane a little bit. But it also helped serve as a bit of a warning sign for me, too. Because there've been times when I would look or start making connections, and once that happened it helped me realize that hey, maybe the person I'm with right now isn't the one I should be with. That allowed me to take a deep dive into what was starting to lead me astray. It gave me the chance to see what could be fixed between us, see what I or she was doing wrong, and then decide whether it was worth fixing or not. Sometimes it was, most times it wasn't and we moved on.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on July 15, 2018, 05:12:24 PM
I appreciate the responses fellas. Sometimes it's hard to decipher the truth or excuses, so I can't quite tell if I'm on the right track or not, so that definitely helps.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on August 20, 2018, 02:08:03 PM
https://kotaku.com/we-cant-fix-the-internet-1828463761

Saw this today on Kotaku. A really good read, and it kind of relates to my second post in here about the early days of the internet, but extrapolates from there to see how it planted the seeds for where we are today.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on August 21, 2018, 12:13:12 AM
Im going to take this a different direction than the article probably intended, but in my spiraling mind, its relevant.
I see that as one part of a bigger problem, a contributory factor if you will.
Sure, the anonymity is another element of the vitriolic rage we see, but as a society, we have been whittled down to where we are because of lack of education and the demise of the modern family.
Add in the negatives the internet breeds and, well, you get today.
I truly believe society has disintegrated significantly in my lifetime, hell, just in the last 20-30 years. It didnt happen overnight of course. Before the internet these people you would call trolls today were around, its not a new thing, they just didnt have the avenue they do now.
People will always and forever seek a way to get over on others, regardless if its something as simple as the subject in the story posted above, or if it were more sinister, it was always present. The internet just breeds those opportunities.
I touched on education and family structure earlier and of course there's no way to quantify this supposition nor is it even logical to suggest we wouldn't be facing the same instances pointed out, but I believe that it all wouldn't have unraveled as badly as it has had our society been properly educated and the divorce rate would have stayed in the stratosphere lessening single parents and all that entails.
Now, do note that this is a vast generalization and not a knock on single parents per se but I don't think anyone could logically deny those two factors haven't also contributed to our lack of mores nowadays.
I realize I kinda turned that into my own thing, but I was building off of the idea the article presented.
Or maybe I just needed to rant? Who the hell knows...but I do know I need sleep, so, sayonara
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on September 14, 2018, 07:52:28 PM
So, Ive been wanting to go to Boston for decades now and just never did because of the same ole barriers. No money, no time, no one to go with, no....whatever.
A few weeks ago I decided, the hell with it, Im going, by myself if I have to. If I keep waiting until I "have the money, etc..." Ill never go, so, I booked it before I could change my mind. My cousin ended up going along so I didnt have to fly solo like a loser.

Turns out the day we arrived, the Astros were at Fenway, so lets start there. First things first, Altuve was safe.
Secondly, what a beautiful piece of history. As a fan of history and of baseball, this was an amazing experience.
There was a huge contingent of Astro fans there and while we had some around us, we were still immediately around Boston fans. Allow me to say everyone was gracious, was fun talking to them about the game, the stadium and everything else. I told them I understood the invasion because at just about any Astros game, we are overwhelmed with opponents fans.
I really wish I had time to have taken a tour because it was that damn cool.

We stayed On the border of Backbay/South End in an apartment rental. small but efficient and served my needs.
I did discover most everything I enjoy was on the North End, Beacon Hill area.

Didnt get all of the Freedom Trail done because of the weather, but did do the Duck Tour which was touristy but still kinda fun.
The Cheers bar was quite the experience as well. The original inspiration, the Bull & Finch Pub which is at the bottom of the famed steps, was fun as hell.
As soon as we arrived, two were leaving their bar stools and we swooped right in, just perfect. Things like that dont usually work out for me and we didnt give up until the shift was over lol
I noticed while down there they had some tags identifying other areas, such as bathrooms, store, but one said Set bar. After inquiring about that, I was told in 2010, the owner built a replica set to the Cheers bar just upstairs (which would be the street entrance of Melville's on the show) obviously on a smaller scale, so we hit that too and it was also quite fun. The bar was pretty doggone close too I must say. made great friends with the bartenders, staff and patrons. Even an Eagles fan if you can imagine. He did say they have calmed down now as a fanbase since they finally have a Championship too, and I can relate to that lol
Free drinks on occasion from our new friends and employees, plus an inclusion in the HOF for polishing off the Norm burger topped off the visits at this great bar.
Oh, theres also anther Cheers bar, but its a marketing ploy, nothing even remotely close to the show here, just a money grab. its just another bar.

Another big highlight was the JFK library. So much history, just so much to take in although you can do it in one visit.
The museum exhibits the era nicely, giving you a wonderful feel of the time, or nostalgia, if you lived back then. Replica of a White House hall is there although I cant recall which one right now, but filled with personal artifacts from JFK and the family. There are several films that run anywhere from 10-20 minutes that replay frequently throughout. There are also two small theaters that play short docs as well. A portion is dedicated to the space race and moon landing and it some wonderful displays here too.
Most certainly a must see for all Americans for sure.

Aside from that, we tagged the Bell in Hand bar which is the oldest bar in the country. There was a 9/11 memorial service in town after which the fire fighters, police and first responders all flooded the bars. I was honored to buy the first round for the first few I saw come in. It was a somber but uniting and friendly experience, not to mention the fact we stood in this historical pub.
Id never ridden a subway before so had to do that....what else...? Enjoyed some wonderful food in Little Italy, had to have some Clam Chowder which we did, and a Lobster Roll; check that, a $25 Lobster Roll, but hey, what the hell.
Witnessed some of the Freedom Trail and other little surprises tucked away in the city, all of which was just a ton of fun.
Side note, Boston has to be the horn honkinest city in this country. But, nice little friendly beeps, not angry get the hell out of the way honks.
Drivers are friendly there. In Houston, if we did what pedestrians and drivers did there, it'd raise our death toll four fold.
You can walk most anywhere, reaching most goodies within a mile or two sans JFK and the like.
Didnt make it over to Salem but that wasn't a big to do, did most everything I wanted but still plan on going back.
if you haven't been, you should go.



Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on September 15, 2018, 01:05:36 AM
That's pretty damn cool, man - followed along a little bit on the instagram pics you posted. Glad you had a fun time! Although there's nothing wrong with traveling alone, I love it - don't have to answer to anyone but me.  8)

Boston (and the East Coast in general) are places I definitely want to visit and check out.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on September 15, 2018, 11:43:21 AM
That's pretty damn cool, man - followed along a little bit on the instagram pics you posted. Glad you had a fun time! Although there's nothing wrong with traveling alone, I love it - don't have to answer to anyone but me.  8)

Boston (and the East Coast in general) are places I definitely want to visit and check out.

True as well.
My immediate list is D.C., Nashville, Chicago and Boston again.
If you or anyone has other suggestions, let me know
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on September 15, 2018, 11:46:06 AM
Boston is cool, been once, need to go back. Fenway is a place of evil but it is spectacular.

I've been to DC multiple times, love DC. Chicago once, wasn't a fan (I got very confused by the roads. I do need to go back to go to a White Sox game though, knocked out Wrigley on the one trip) and Nashville I went to when the Jets played the Titans during Vince Young's first game. It was also really cool although I didn't get to see very much.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on September 15, 2018, 12:35:53 PM
Boston is cool, been once, need to go back. Fenway is a place of evil but it is spectacular.

I've been to DC multiple times, love DC. Chicago once, wasn't a fan (I got very confused by the roads. I do need to go back to go to a White Sox game though, knocked out Wrigley on the one trip) and Nashville I went to when the Jets played the Titans during Vince Young's first game. It was also really cool although I didn't get to see very much.

I get mixed reviews on DC. Most say see the museums obviously but other than that, not much else. I sill want to go.
Chicago for me would be for Wrigley. Nashville is a cool little town Ive heard about from multiple folks.
Most of my vacations have been of the tropical variety out of country. I need to start focusing more on this country while Im still able.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on September 16, 2018, 01:00:11 AM
I'm the opposite. Been all up and down the east coast and some of middle America (NO, Chicago, Nashville), but I've only been out of the country twice (not including Canada) and one of those times it was in the Navy. I'd like to go to Cabo or Cozumel, Tokyo, New Zealand, Germany and Amstersam. Many many places. 
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: rollntider on September 16, 2018, 10:53:31 AM
I went to Baltimore a few years ago on business and sat in the MASN headquarters which is in the Orioles ball park. Got to tour the stadium from the inside and it was pretty damn cool. A sort of funny story, when we went, the sales rep I was with had a Bama national title pin from the 2009 season. One of the ladies asked how dare he bring in a phillies pin into the O's ball park. He pointed out it was for Bama and they got a laugh over it, Ozzie Newsome happened to be there about something and they took us to meet him. It was pretty cool.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on September 16, 2018, 12:06:08 PM
I'm the opposite. Been all up and down the east coast and some of middle America (NO, Chicago, Nashville), but I've only been out of the country twice (not including Canada) and one of those times it was in the Navy. I'd like to go to Cabo or Cozumel, Tokyo, New Zealand, Germany and Amstersam. Many many places.

Man, Cabo was my spot for years and years and years. Every time, we went for Sammy Hagar's Birthday Bash out there, thats a great time to go. Last year was the last hurrah in Cabo though, time for something else. If you go, its so easy to just stay at the resort, but if you do, you are missing out on the town. We would stay right on the marina or there was a little hotel, kinda like an old Spanish Mission right across the street from Sammy's Cantina where all the fans would stay. $40-50 a night, no tv in the room but who cares, clean and we only slept there, plus its right in the middle of everything.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on September 16, 2018, 12:06:57 PM
I went to Baltimore a few years ago on business and sat in the MASN headquarters which is in the Orioles ball park. Got to tour the stadium from the inside and it was pretty damn cool. A sort of funny story, when we went, the sales rep I was with had a Bama national title pin from the 2009 season. One of the ladies asked how dare he bring in a phillies pin into the O's ball park. He pointed out it was for Bama and they got a laugh over it, Ozzie Newsome happened to be there about something and they took us to meet him. It was pretty cool.

if I could do an MLB park tour, Camden would be up there, but just not much else to do in B-more that I know of really.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on September 16, 2018, 12:21:46 PM
I'm the opposite. Been all up and down the east coast and some of middle America (NO, Chicago, Nashville), but I've only been out of the country twice (not including Canada) and one of those times it was in the Navy. I'd like to go to Cabo or Cozumel, Tokyo, New Zealand, Germany and Amstersam. Many many places.

Man, Cabo was my spot for years and years and years. Every time, we went for Sammy Hagar's Birthday Bash out there, thats a great time to go. Last year was the last hurrah in Cabo though, time for something else. If you go, its so easy to just stay at the resort, but if you do, you are missing out on the town. We would stay right on the marina or there was a little hotel, kinda like an old Spanish Mission right across the street from Sammy's Cantina where all the fans would stay. $40-50 a night, no tv in the room but who cares, clean and we only slept there, plus its right in the middle of everything.

Yeah, it was you on here all these years that put Cabo in my head, haha.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on October 24, 2018, 12:58:07 PM
I may very possibly be speaking from ignorance here but, I wonder, in the past, pre-Internet days, if you had a group of friends you hung out with who were "bad news" or just had "bad ideas," there were plenty of ways to either remove yourself from them or even to be removed from them involuntarily. I don't mean anything excessive, it's just, if you lived in, say, South Carolina and you and your group of friends had a certain type of view, it was still more likely that you'd, say, move from either your town or your state to go to college, even if you went to college in your own town, any of those friends might leave for those same reasons, or, the simple fact is, eventually you age and transfer for a job or for a loved one. There's many things that could break you apart from those people, and put you in a place where, perhaps, you can rethink some of those ideals or beliefs, especially the toxic, hateful ones, and have a chance to mature and be wiser.

I wonder then if perhaps the internet is to blame for this sort of man-child behavior we see these days (haha, "if"). It'd be one thing if, pre-internet, I had a group of friends who thought like these Gamergaters, or the Last Jedi people who threaten and insult the people who worked on the movie (we're talking the extreme ones here). Again, we may grow apart, grow distant in time, it's possible to be removed from that toxic ideology and advance past it.

Now, whatever age you are when you get sucked in by that, you can stay a part of it forever. You can move around the country, go wherever you like, and if people in real life challenge those toxic thoughts or ideals, you can retreat to your "friends" on the internet who will lift you up for your toxic ideology. Now, I know, there's always been toxic, hateful people, that's why we have the KKK and other extremist groups in America even before the internet. This, though, what's been going on these days, doesn't really have a name. We call it "Gamergate" and "Comicsgate" and that kind of stuff, but it's just shitty, horrible people being shitty and horrible together and encouraging others to be shitty and horrible, at which point they will be praised. It seems like the internet would make it much harder for someone to WANT to break away from that, when they're getting that feeling of satisfaction and validation from these types of groups.

I don't know, maybe I'm just pissing in the wind again or maybe this is a real thing, but does that make sense to anyone else?
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on October 24, 2018, 02:06:21 PM
I agree with you, sort of, I think.
Pre internet, you had to be prepared to be called out for your bullshit. And it wasn't as if people were walking around afraid to speak their mind, but society was aware there could be consequences if you go off the rails, because interaction was more localized and face to face.
The internet bred anonymity which allowed people to vent their deeper corrosive beliefs they would not necessarily air in public, or, i.e., pre internet.
Now this is more on an individual level, sans something like the KKK you referenced. However, the internet allowed folks to generate their own like minded societies, or forums, if you will. And to my way of thinking, that's an element contributing to the decay of society.
It's where hate groups, et al can have a voice and be counted where they may not have pre internet.

As for getting away from undesirables, I guess I don't understand, because now, or pre internet, you have the choice about who you choose to hang around with most times.

Did I come close to anything you were referencing? lol
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on October 24, 2018, 02:54:45 PM
More the involuntary aspect of getting away from undesirables. Like, before, if I was a kid who hung around people like that, and then I went off to college or something in another city, state, whatever, I mean, maybe I'm writing letters or calling those guys back home, but most likely I'm losing touch with them or checking in like, once or twice a year maybe. And plus, while I'm away from them, I'm theoretically not around like-minded people or, at the very least, to your point, they're not voicing those opinions in public, so I either have to pretend to NOT be one of those types of people, or, now that I'm away from those people and they're validation/reinforcement, I'm more likely to distance myself from those beliefs as I leave that bubble and enter the "real world," if you will.

Versus now, you have 24/7 contact with those people. Instead of "I got challenged at school today and I need to consider things," you get to go to your Facebook page or forum or Twitter or whatever and say "These effing SJWs etc etc etc" and everyone there will be like "You're right, eff those SJWs" and it just continues the cycle of hate.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on October 24, 2018, 03:49:37 PM
So yea, I mean you can always find resources to feed your beliefs, albeit much easier nowadays via the net.
But if you are trying to escape those circles individually, its just as easy, in my mind, to do it today as it was then. For instance, we don't run in hate groups, but we are certainly exposed to them daily. So I can see, and do believe, the internet has lent itself to the hatred via the anonymity and ease of collaboration with like minded folks which can heavily influence youngsters or even uninspired or young adults "searching" for something.
And yea, agree its a never ending cycle of hate that's easily accessible and not readily disavowed.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on October 24, 2018, 11:17:22 PM
I can't really say it much better than Crewe already covered it. While I do see your point that the internet in a lot of ways has made it easier for those that want to retreat to their glass bubble to do so...it's still just as easy to get away from them. It still starts with the individual, you know? If that person doesn't want to escape, they'll keep doing what they're doing. Whether they use the internet to reaffirm their hate speech or they used to go like the days past when they'd check the classifieds in the section past "Men Seeking Women Seeking Men/blah blah blah" they'll find the resources they want. The individual has to make that choice to stay or leave.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on October 25, 2018, 12:09:21 PM
I can't really say it much better than Crewe already covered it. While I do see your point that the internet in a lot of ways has made it easier for those that want to retreat to their glass bubble to do so...it's still just as easy to get away from them. It still starts with the individual, you know? If that person doesn't want to escape, they'll keep doing what they're doing. Whether they use the internet to reaffirm their hate speech or they used to go like the days past when they'd check the classifieds in the section past "Men Seeking Women Seeking Men/blah blah blah" they'll find the resources they want. The individual has to make that choice to stay or leave.

Actually, I think you did lol  :D
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on October 26, 2018, 11:05:08 AM
I wanted to finally make a non-depressing post, haha.

So, what's a memorable vacation/trip you've taken?

I've gotten to see many places, thanks in part to my family and also my brief sojourn to the Navy. Italy, Hong Kong, Manila, Hawaii. But one of my favorite trips was in 2014, to Disneyworld.

See, we used to go to Disney, Seaworld and Universal every 4 years (and, at one point, every other year) as kids. Then the trips stopped for a bit. I had my son, and we had a trip to Disney when he was a baby, but that was the last time I remember going (it was for ESPN the Weekend, was really fun). My brother and I were starting to get tired of Disney though, and were excited the next family trip would likely be to Universal by the time kiddo came of age. Then my brother went and had a kid, so we knew it would be Disney.

So, 2014 rolls around, kiddo is 9 years old, his cousin is 5 or 6, and his aunt is pregnant with another. Disney trip!

Like I said, my brother and I were getting tired of Disney, but it had been a few years and this trip was going to be relaxing. Parents got a rental (so many people in Florida rent their homes out during the season for people to stay at). Plenty of bedrooms for all of us, little game room set up in the garage (there was a pool table, air hockey, and an original Xbox with Halo and Tiger Woods 2003, which was apparently enough for us).

We stayed there a week and we had tickets for Disney ("park hopper passes") for 3 days. The other 4 were just up to us to do whatever. We went to the Florida mall in Orlando, my brother and sister in law had Chipotle for the first time, and there was this awesome sushi place in the food court called "Wasabi" (there's apparently only 3 of them, and I somehow miraculously have been to two. Quick aside, literally 2 years to the day from this day, I was visiting friends in Tysons Corner, Virginia and there it was, another Wasabi in that mall. I know it was 2 years to the day because of the Facebook Memories feature).

But, the big part was Disney. So, the first day of the trip, me, SIL, brother, kiddo and my niece all go to Animal Kingdom. The last time we'd been there was when it first opened up, so my brother and I weren't expecting much. We ended up spending the entire day there. We ate at an awesome little restaurant there called "The Yak and Yeti." My brother and kiddo did the Everest ride (I don't do rollercoasters except for, like, just Space Mountain). There's a "show" inside the big Tree of Life, I remembered it as a kid, it's one of those 4-D theater type of things. I remember absolutely hating it as a kid. You get wet, there's a "stinkbug" (it's based on A Bug's Life) so at one point there's a horrible smell, the seats are designed so that when the bees show up there's a stinger that stings you in the back, and something in the seat that makes it feel like a bug is crawling under your butt at one point.

I remember all of this because, again, I hated it as a child.

So I didn't go in. SIL and brother went in with the kids, and when they came out my brother said "that was a huge mistake." Both kids had the same reaction I did, apparently, haha.

Day two spent in the park was pretty fun. We went to Epcot for a bit, my brother took kiddo on Mission Space (a ride I almost threw up on once when I was younger). We didn't get to do some of the other stuff we wanted to as we headed into Magic Kingdom, although, admittedly, I don't remember much of what we did there that day either. I do remember that night though, as we went back to Epcot, and ate at the German buffet there in Germany. The beer was incredible, the food was amazing and it was a really fun night.

Day three was easily the best day, though. My parents, now coming to the park with us, decided they were going to stay with my brother's family as they trawled Magic Kingdom for autographs from princesses (continuing one activity from the prior day). Kiddo and I naturally had no interest in this, and suddenly I found myself alone, with my son, in Disney. It was amazing.

We started off at MGM, grabbing a Fast Pass ticket for a new Toy Story Ride ("Toy Story Mania") which would get us in all the way at 9 PM already (it was like, 8 or 9 AM when we got them). We rode Star Tours at least 3 different times (they changed the experience, there's all new planets and stuff now). I know there's a few other things we did there, but then it was time to hop over to Magic Kingdom to get some stuff we missed.

So we go to Magic Kingdom so we can hit up the Haunted Mansion and some other things. While there, my parents give us Fast Passes for the Buzz Lightyear ride. So we use those, while also doing some of the other stuff in Tomorrowland.

Then it was off to Epcot. We stood in line for Test Track and right before it was time for us to go on, they closed down the ride due to rain. It was getting late and getting closer to our Toy Story Mania ride, so we headed on over to "Soaring," which is like Star Tours but larger. There's a bigger than IMAX screen, and you're essentially on a long hanging bench which simulates hang gliding through the skies. It was actually pretty freaking cool.

Then, lastly, it was back to MGM. We had some time so got in another Star Tours run, then hit up Toy Story Mania, which was absolutely beyond worth the wait. It was just hysterical. At this point, my phone was nearly dead, the rest of my family had left the park. I remember, I had like 5% battery on the phone. So I had to call them and very quickly execute a pickup plan, haha. We ended up taking the monorail to the Polynesian Resort and meeting them there.

It was awesome. That last day was frantic and really should've been stressful as all hell as we tried to do as much as we possibly could around all 3 parks, but it was just such a fun time. Kiddo is the best amusement park buddy since....well, since my older brother, and having that experience with him as a kid like I used to have as a kid is something I'd never pass up (which, I know like, duh, but still).

There was also a point we were waiting for a shuttle and a bee landed on kiddo and I immediately abandoned him to his fate. Luckily the bee flew away.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on October 26, 2018, 11:24:02 AM
Dude, that's pretty damn cool. I like how the perspective shifts as we get older, and how trips might look through younger eyes. Sounds like both you and your child had an awesome experience. :)
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on December 16, 2018, 04:15:17 PM
So I was browsing a thread about The Wire and the question was brought up, what films should a Wire fan watch?
It was obviously a younger crowd, but films like Serpico, French Connection, All the Presidents Men, Chinatown and the like were touted and rightly so.
To me, these were well known films and are guys like me were surely reading this with a "well, duh" attitude.
In my mind, how could you not have seen theses films already? It kinda goes to what we discussed earlier about being tuned in to times beyond our own.
Im blown away when someone learns about Pink Floyd's record breaking appearance on the charts, or some other "everybody knows that fact."
Its the same reason I roll my eyes when some millennial breaks out with this is the "greatest xyz ever" completely oblivious to the fact that film, album, song whatever has already been done, and probably a better product to boot.
In any event, get off my lawn...

Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on December 16, 2018, 06:54:35 PM
Of those four films, I've only seen Serpico....


I KNOW, I KNOW
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on December 16, 2018, 09:28:15 PM
that's a good one to see
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on January 03, 2019, 02:16:55 PM
So, how was everyone's holidays?
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on January 03, 2019, 03:42:11 PM
food poisoning had me down for 6-7 days around Christmas. Was able to get out for Xmas Eve and Day for a bit and was 100% a day or two after.
the good side is, as you could tell by the entertainment threads here, Ive been catching up on lots and lots of my backlogged queue.
And now Ive delved into Hitchcock again...
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Rigg44 on January 03, 2019, 04:01:29 PM
So, how was everyone's holidays?

Good, or in other words boring.  The older I get the more I appreciate the beauty of boring.  Spent xmas and new years with just the wife and kids.  So it was a relaxed and enjoyable holiday season for us.

 
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: cflnut on January 04, 2019, 08:22:36 PM
My holidays started on November 21, and I go back to work on January 7. So I'll say mine were pretty good. Outside of the normal holiday dinner at my sisters place, I got together with some friends I hadn't had the chance to see for a wile. I did however spend most of my time at home relaxing with the cats, and the PS4. 
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on January 08, 2019, 02:42:22 AM
So, how was everyone's holidays?

Not bad. Brother came into Chicago so the family was able to hangout together for Christmas, then drove back in to Michigan on the 28th and got to hangout with friends for a few days here. One nice thing about being a travel nurse now is that since my holiday pay is pretty damn high, the hospitals typically don’t want to schedule me for them. 👍🏽

Other than that, it was nice to just relax.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on January 11, 2019, 11:47:57 AM
Forgot about my own, heh.

Went back to Myrtle Beach for the first time since leaving back in 2017 (well, slight lie. We were there for literally one night after the cruise, the ship docked in Charleston, we rode back with her mom and sis to Myrtle and flew back out the next day).

But, yeah. I stayed at my mom and dad's, she stayed at her mom's place, so that part sucked. Had a good xmas eve with her side though, Christmas day with mine and had kiddo after noon on that day. Fiancee left on the 26th to visit the rest of her family in Pennsylvania, I stuck around and met up with some old friends, saw plenty of movies with kiddo (none of them good, sadly. Well, Bumblebee was actually OK, but Aquaman  and Vice were a mess. Although we DID see Die Hard in theaters on the following Sunday, so that was cool).

Highlight was probably either the sushi dinner with friends or an entire day of playing board games (starting with "Who Goes There?" and never quite finishing the "Firefly" board game).

But, yeah, good time. On New Years Eve I flew to DC and met back up with the fiancee (we had flown into DC, she'd rented a car, we drove into MB, and then she drove that car back to PA. Cheaper to return it to the same airport so we flew back out of DC and she met me there when I flew back in), hung out and flew back home to celebrate the New Year.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on January 16, 2019, 03:01:02 PM
Anyone have any suggestions on improving cognitive abilities?
if times are not good, I tend to have sinking spells that are tough to overcome.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on February 06, 2019, 12:54:42 AM
I didn't know where else to drop this in, but I check out this vid every so often as it is one of my absolute favorites.
Ann Willson has a set of pipes that just won't quit. Saw Heart back to back couple of years ago and they are still at the top of their game. I doubt you would find many to disagree.
In any event, I just love this video. To me, it encapsulates everything music should be.
Raw energy, passion, the sheer excitement and joy, the expressiveness, it just emotes on so many levels. Jason Bonham on the drums, the jubilance of Page and JPJ, the somber, reminiscing expression of Plant, not to mention the anxiety of playing in front of those guys, oh and the President and First Lady as well, by the way.
To even be a part of that experience on stage must have been a pinnacle of life.
Maybe I enjoy it a bit too much, but its such a powerful tribute IMO.

What does it for you?
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on February 17, 2019, 07:09:54 PM
Saturday I hosted a poker game, for which I haven't done in ages for several reasons. Didn't have enough room, lived to far from everyone, and mostly, didn't keep in touch with my former poker buddies.
We used to play every pay day and this was prior to the big Texas Hold em craze that swept the nation.
So we played dealer's choice, which would include every thing from 5 & 7 card stud, 5 draw, lowball, hold em, guts etc...
During and after the big hold em craze, every one played tournament style, hold em only.
So I arranged this game with family and friends who happened to be up to 15 years younger than me.
I had told them all it would be dealer's choice and they were fine with that.
The interesting things were that one, I figured we would be playing hold em mostly since that's what they knew, but the other was, that despite being fairly knowledgeable regarding gambling, they had trouble with how the other games were played, which of course are staples in poker.
Everything was fine and it was a great time but I just found that interesting, no real point to the story other than that observation.

I'll add that we always played with a limit which was reasonable so no one would go broke early on, but you could still easily lose a couple of hundred if you weren't careful so it wasn't nickel dime pennies. These fellas weren't used to that either and I could tell they wanted to bluff and buy so many times by going "all in" but couldn't. Forced a newly of playing on them lol Still, fun stuff and I just found all of those tidbits rather fascinating. Call it a generation thing I guess?
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on March 10, 2019, 07:40:02 PM
Last year, prior to my jaunt to Boston, I decided Im going. Im going to visit places that Ive wanted to go for years and never have.
There's always a reason not to go. No money, no time, no travel companion etc...
Now, what little money I save, goes for this. I have to go while I still can. I can't retire anyway so why put it off? Starting in the US and next is...

Nashville-anyone from there, been there, going there?

Im headed that way in April and am really looking forward to it. Already have tix to see the AAA Round Rock Express (fun fact; named after Nolan Ryan) face the Nashville Sounds. Hope to score some Predator tix, although those will be sky high, even if they are playing when Im there.
I have a couple of record stores lined up, museums (Cash and Third Man Records to name a couple) and will hit as many bars as I possibly can.
If there's something I need to see or experience, let me know!
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on March 11, 2019, 03:02:47 AM
Haven't been in a few years and only got to spend a day there, but loved it!
Broadway is awesome, lots to see. Checked out The Stage on Broadway and Robert's Western World (bars), and it was alright. Country music isn't my thing by any stretch of the imagination but the atmosphere was pretty damn cool.

Check out Edley's BBQ while you're there too. I didn't go, but about a year ago a couple friends of mine did and brought back some Ghost Sauce from there...I love it. Enjoy!
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on March 12, 2019, 02:11:52 PM
Edley's is one I haven't heard of, so perhaps I will just for the Ghost sauce lol
We are staying right on Broadway so yea, gonna hit a lot of em. From what I've read, its not saturated with country anymore as the town draws a more diverse crowd. Im not a large country fan anymore, but I was before it went all kinds of berserk with that Billy Ray nonsense.
 
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: rollntider on April 06, 2019, 02:55:45 AM
Well sorry i have been sparse the past few weeks / months.
Its been wierd.
I have been seperated from my wife since december, depression (not mine) is hard to live with. I will leave it at that.
Also lost my job on 2-11. I didnt want to say anything until I got a new real job. I got a job at home depot but it kept me afloat until I found a real job. I accepted a position today that will make me decent money.  But things are on the upswing.

Been to florida for a few skills tests for the state, and interviews going to turn down the job since I dont want to relocate and it pays less than what I was offered.

The reason for the lack of visits is because I would get up in the morning, go to an interview, come home change and go to work at Home depot in the evenings. Or travel to florida for whatever hoops they wanted.
 But hopefully that is over for a bit. I will look for a better job soon but I can pay my bills again and move along.

2019 has been pretty much shit. Bama loses the National title badly, wife issues, job issues, and lol Auburn is in the final 4?

It hasnt been all bad, it appears people think I am a good guy and call it what you will, good things have happened to me from friends.
My landlord forgave 2 months rent, (I did some repairs around the house)
A former co worker lent me some nice suits to interview in (dude is a snazzy dresser)
A friend and his wife have offered food almost every night (only partook sparingly)
Former coworkers would invite me out to lunch to see how I was doing and would sneakily take my check and refused to let me pay.
One of the recruiters who worked with me told me he has rarely recieved the praise I got from my former bosses. He said whoever hires me is getting a good one. He said he can tell when people are phoning it in and well he said those guys were hurt I was gone. Made me choke up a little, I got caught up in a 63 person layoff and know it wasnt personal, but I feel a little validated that they thought that highly of me.
The job I was offered, a friend recommended me and built me up so much, I show up to interview and basically it was like, "this is what we offer, this is how cool this job is, when can you start" not the typical why you want to work here and what can you do for us.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on April 06, 2019, 02:28:08 PM
Dude, sorry to hear about all that, man. Double whammy even.

I can only assume your wife is battling depression. I hope she seeks help because its no joke as I know you are aware.

Congrats on the new job, sounds like it will lead to better things, and even deeper congrats on having such a great circle of support from your friends.
I doubt Id ever have that sort of response if anything similar happened to me.
Keep doing what you're doing because it's working.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on April 06, 2019, 03:13:09 PM
Damn dude, I'm really sorry to hear about all of that. It's tough trying to get back into the normal swing of things when your life is turned upside down like that, but props to you for persevering. Also happy that you were able to find something new fairly quickly, and that your circle of friends is amazing.

I also hope your wife is able to find the help she needs, depression can consume anyone.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Rigg44 on April 08, 2019, 01:47:40 PM
Sorry to hear this man.  I hope the new job either turns into what you want or at least gets you buy until you find the spot that is. Sorry about your marriage, depression is a killer.  When one person in a household is depressed everyone pays the toll, as you clearly know.  May your future be as bright as you want it to be.   
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: rollntider on April 09, 2019, 11:39:30 PM
thanks for the kind words everyone. Yes it is the wifes depression. I do wish she would get some help, but I can only beat my head against the wall for so long. I love her but I wish her the best. I am not sure what I can do. I was overwhelmed with the support of friends, shows how blessed I am. Very thankful.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on April 10, 2019, 12:00:09 AM
thanks for the kind words everyone. Yes it is the wifes depression. I do wish she would get some help, but I can only beat my head against the wall for so long. I love her but I wish her the best. I am not sure what I can do. I was overwhelmed with the support of friends, shows how blessed I am. Very thankful.

thats tough, I can relate. Loving someone and wanting the best and trying to help, really doesn't matter if they won't accept it.
You have to take care of you now, and it sounds like you're off to a good start.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on April 11, 2019, 02:44:36 PM
thanks for the kind words everyone. Yes it is the wifes depression. I do wish she would get some help, but I can only beat my head against the wall for so long.

This has been a thing for me as of late.

My fiancee and I have an odd dynamic, I suppose, me with the Borderline Personality Disorder, her with the Bi-Polar. It gives us help supporting each other, but, just being there for someone isn't always enough if the cycle is just going to repeat itself.

I've been having trouble since late February with the darkness just creeping in. I've had thoughts of self harm lately because it just feels like things are only going to get worse, you know? And I know that's not true, I know I can't predict the future, but lately everything, even the things I love, movies, books, but also things like work, even my impending marriage to her, has all felt meaningless. Like, we live, we die, and eventually, however long it takes, the world moves on and what was the point of it all, you know?

I don't know how to fix this nihilistic viewpoint that has suddenly attached itself to me. I think part of it is protection, my distaste for the current state of US politics and the way that I personally view things heading, it doesn't look great and with my son growing up in whatever the world is about to be, whether it's a climate-change affected hellscape or whatever worst-case scenario my mind presents me with, somehow the "none of this matters" is almost comforting, but also the side effect is the complete lack of joy in any activity.

There's also been an issue with just having 0 confidence in myself. I was up for, and had a very good opportunity to be chosen, for a promotion here at work just a few months ago. I'd talked to my boss about it a few times before the position officially opened, and by the time it did, I was sunk into this thing I'm dealing with and declined to apply for it.

I'm tough on myself for any mistake. Mistakes to me are the end of the world. They are not missteps, they are not practice, they are simply failure. I see things in a very success/fail way, which is weird, because you can make a mistake and recover from it and things end fine, even if there's a slight mess to be cleaned up, but my brain, in the moment, doesn't care about any of that. I fucked up, it's a knock against me, and I don't deserve a promotion. That's how my brain thinks.

I don't actually have health insurance. I'm a contract worker, so the healthcare plan is pretty pricey, vs being an actual full time engineer (or, at least, I assume the benefits aren't pricey for full time engineers at MS). I recently found an organization here in Seattle called OpenPath that provides therapy services with a membership cost ($50). I think there may be a qualification process to be approved for that, I have to look into it more, but it's given me some hope. Looks like their in-network providers charge between 30 and 60 bucks per session, which isn't terrible, and I know I need help beyond what me or my fiancee have been able to accomplish.

It's been really rough lately, and this has given me something of a light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm really hoping it'll make a difference, because, it's just really hard going everyday feeling like everything's coming to an end and that you're not capable of doing...anything. At all. That you're just a fuck up moving from one fuck up to another.

Anyways. I dunno. I guess I'm venting, which was half the point of this thread, to an extent.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on April 11, 2019, 07:07:31 PM
Venting is good, Buc - here, family, friends. And I really do hope that opportunity is there for you and that the help (for lack of a better word) is there. I've got my fingers crossed for you.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on April 12, 2019, 12:07:10 AM
I'm tough on myself for any mistake. Mistakes to me are the end of the world. They are not missteps, they are not practice, they are simply failure. I see things in a very success/fail way, which is weird, because you can make a mistake and recover from it and things end fine, even if there's a slight mess to be cleaned up, but my brain, in the moment, doesn't care about any of that. I fucked up, it's a knock against me, and I don't deserve a promotion. That's how my brain thinks.

I latched on to this because this has been a huge obstacle for me. I am relentless and staunchly unforgiving of myself for the simplest bad decisions or mistakes or what have you.
Remember that scene in Six Feet Under, forget what season, but
Spoiler: show
Nate was in a bar and mouthed off to a patron who then just kicked the shit out of him? He kept egging the guy on because he felt he deserved it.

That was/is me, to a freakin T and its unhealthy as fuck.
Ill give you an example that when you read it, it will seem so silly, and it is, which is what Ive come to realize.
I picked up bowling again a few years ago, walked into a center, joined a league and team at random and have been with them for three years now.
I poured myself into getting better, equipment, practice, lessons etc...Fast forward and I felt I was better, and I was, much much better
but, if I had a bad frame or two...not even a game, but frame! Say I miss an easy spare. No problem right? Come back, string some marks together, easy recovery. Not for me. I would berate myself, "An 8 year old blind kid could make that shot are you kidding me? Just kick me off this flipping team, I shouldn't be allowed to bowl with shots like that." and on and on. By then, as you know, it was over, that game was over, and the next, and the next.
And all the while, I hear everyone having a good time, but I choose to sink. I KNOW its going to make me worse, but I like it! I want it, I deserve it. Would ruin my night, and sometimes even the next day, over what? I feel absolutely foolish even putting this out here,
but you can imagine the rest. Just terrible. Luckily, my friends wrote it off and stuck with me.
Ive worked on my cognitive shortcomings and am overcoming this nonsense but I get it, completely.
I know that wasn't the entire gist of your post but just letting you know, its not just you.
Im confident you will overcome and always hit us up here if you want.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on April 12, 2019, 02:48:02 AM
And to lighten things up, Im headed to Nashville next week, and I sincerely hope this lady is performing somewhere in her hometown because this just blows my mind.
Take 90 seconds...

Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on April 12, 2019, 11:35:55 AM
Say I miss an easy spare. No problem right? Come back, string some marks together, easy recovery. Not for me. I would berate myself, "An 8 year old blind kid could make that shot are you kidding me? Just kick me off this flipping team, I shouldn't be allowed to bowl with shots like that." and on and on. By then, as you know, it was over, that game was over, and the next, and the next.
And all the while, I hear everyone having a good time, but I choose to sink. I KNOW its going to make me worse, but I like it! I want it, I deserve it. Would ruin my night, and sometimes even the next day, over what? I feel absolutely foolish even putting this out here,
but you can imagine the rest. Just terrible.

I mean, this it, right? Other people miss a spare or a strike and they go "Ah that's too bad" and go pick their beer back up. We miss that and think "We're the worst, we're holding the team back, they're going to hate us because they'd be winning every tournament if we weren't on the team, we're going to get kicked off the team and they won't speak to us."

It's like, a combination of expecting too much of ourselves and putting way too much stress and pressure in situations that DO NOT call for it, and a fear of rejection, like, I have to be perfect otherwise everyone will hate me.

It's a lot, but, it is nice that someone gets it, even if I also wish you didn't get it, just for you own peace and sanity, heh.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on April 12, 2019, 12:49:43 PM
Say I miss an easy spare. No problem right? Come back, string some marks together, easy recovery. Not for me. I would berate myself, "An 8 year old blind kid could make that shot are you kidding me? Just kick me off this flipping team, I shouldn't be allowed to bowl with shots like that." and on and on. By then, as you know, it was over, that game was over, and the next, and the next.
And all the while, I hear everyone having a good time, but I choose to sink. I KNOW its going to make me worse, but I like it! I want it, I deserve it. Would ruin my night, and sometimes even the next day, over what? I feel absolutely foolish even putting this out here,
but you can imagine the rest. Just terrible.

I mean, this it, right? Other people miss a spare or a strike and they go "Ah that's too bad" and go pick their beer back up. We miss that and think "We're the worst, we're holding the team back, they're going to hate us because they'd be winning every tournament if we weren't on the team, we're going to get kicked off the team and they won't speak to us."

It's like, a combination of expecting too much of ourselves and putting way too much stress and pressure in situations that DO NOT call for it, and a fear of rejection, like, I have to be perfect otherwise everyone will hate me.

It's a lot, but, it is nice that someone gets it, even if I also wish you didn't get it, just for you own peace and sanity, heh.

Thats a bingo, and absolutely same goes for me lol
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Rigg44 on April 12, 2019, 01:29:42 PM
For me, it's about being driven by a fear of failure more than the joy of success.  I set goals, work my ass off to achieve them and then?  I acknowledge I did it, enjoy it for 2.3 seconds and move on.  The whole time I am going through this loop I am driven not by the joy of my future success but the complete and overwhelming fear of coming up short and being seen as a failure. I can't or at least don't even get any real level of satisfaction out of the victory but I torture my self with the fear of failing to win.  Its a messed up mindset I know but it is what it is.   
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on April 26, 2019, 11:03:44 PM
So y'all know I took off to Boston last fall because I was tired of making excuses for not doing what I wanted. After Boston, I put Nashville on notice and accomplished that this past week. We left as the NFL Draft contingent was swarming in in droves.

If you've never been, allow to me to pain a picture of Nashville with this poignant analogy: That whole town is like one giant state fair.
The food and music, its just, yea, like a state fair lol
I spent some time discovering true locals and finding wonderful spots that aren't lit up by tourists, but then did the things you have to do, Country Music HOF, Cash Museum and the like. Such a fun town. Go if you haven't.

Next up, the plan is to hit San Francisco.
Tentatively, flying in to LA, staying over in Long Beach as I know a few people there. Rent a car and take a coastal drive up to SF and then stay there a couple of days.
If anyone has been there or made that drive or has any suggestions about that idea, let me know, Im all ears.


Oh btw, couple of things: A couple of posts back I linked a video to a performer I said I hoped I could locate while there...
Well, I was able to contact her and found her on Broadway

And one more thing....
Tender Royale basket and that's a deep fried grilled cheese, which was as decadent as you imagine.
(https://i.imgur.com/tGzbK1u.jpg)
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 10, 2019, 02:10:39 PM
It's been raining and flooding like a mofo here and, Ive had days off, which is not really good, no work no money, BUT, I try not to worry about it because....
Im focusing on learning the guitar aaaaand, my cousin just hooked me up on that PS Home network option where I get access to his games, hence me playing SM...and he has others I need to get to but it will be a while lol
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 10, 2019, 02:35:40 PM
It's been raining and flooding like a mofo here and, Ive had days off, which is not really good, no work no money, BUT, I try not to worry about it because....
Im focusing on learning the guitar aaaaand, my cousin just hooked me up on that PS Home network option where I get access to his games, hence me playing SM...and he has others I need to get to but it will be a while lol

Nice!

I haven't been to the gym since January because I suck, and if I'm apparently just going to be done working out, I've been thinking of taking piano lessons finally (something I've put on the back burner literally since 6th grade).

Then again, with my wedding coming up in April, I think maybe instead of piano lessons that the fiancee and I should get dancing lessons. So, to the backburner again, perhaps.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 10, 2019, 03:13:14 PM
It's been raining and flooding like a mofo here and, Ive had days off, which is not really good, no work no money, BUT, I try not to worry about it because....
Im focusing on learning the guitar aaaaand, my cousin just hooked me up on that PS Home network option where I get access to his games, hence me playing SM...and he has others I need to get to but it will be a while lol

Nice!

I haven't been to the gym since January because I suck, and if I'm apparently just going to be done working out, I've been thinking of taking piano lessons finally (something I've put on the back burner literally since 6th grade).

Then again, with my wedding coming up in April, I think maybe instead of piano lessons that the fiancee and I should get dancing lessons. So, to the backburner again, perhaps.

Lord, ever since Nashville, I event been either. I look like Jabba the Hutt, absolutely the worst shape of my life, which is not what I need to be thinking about while planning not to move from the couch for three days lol

I get that man, Ive put off guitar three or four times in my life until now. Sometimes I think Im so old why even try, since it takes ten plus years to get decent since Im no prodigy lol
I want to play bass, banjo....just keep going lol

Congrats on getting married, I did not know that. Best wishes dude. I mean, best wishes even if you weren't getting married but you know hate I meant lol
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on May 13, 2019, 09:51:21 PM
It's been raining and flooding like a mofo here and, Ive had days off, which is not really good, no work no money, BUT, I try not to worry about it because....
Im focusing on learning the guitar aaaaand, my cousin just hooked me up on that PS Home network option where I get access to his games, hence me playing SM...and he has others I need to get to but it will be a while lol

I'd seen there was flooding there lately, been meaning to ask you about that. Sorry to hear about the not being able to work part. You'll have to tell me how the learning guitar is going though, been thinking about doing the same.

Buc, do the dancing lessons. DO IT (I may have my reasons lol). Seriously though, one of the best things I've ever done and I've seen what couples that come in just to work on their wedding dance can do too.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 13, 2019, 11:50:06 PM
It's been raining and flooding like a mofo here and, Ive had days off, which is not really good, no work no money, BUT, I try not to worry about it because....
Im focusing on learning the guitar aaaaand, my cousin just hooked me up on that PS Home network option where I get access to his games, hence me playing SM...and he has others I need to get to but it will be a while lol

I'd seen there was flooding there lately, been meaning to ask you about that. Sorry to hear about the not being able to work part. You'll have to tell me how the learning guitar is going though, been thinking about doing the same.

Buc, do the dancing lessons. DO IT (I may have my reasons lol). Seriously though, one of the best things I've ever done and I've seen what couples that come in just to work on their wedding dance can do too.

It wasn't bad really. I mean a few people got water, but it wasn't deadly, city shuts down flooding. The news really panics since it is Houston, but they oversell the rain a lot of times.
It was supposed to be monsoon weather Thursday through Sunday morning. It rained on my pretty bad late Thursday, drizzled a tiny bit Friday, beach weather Saturday and Sunday. So much so, I felt guilty, kind of, for planning to be a slug all weekend lol

I appreciate that, but I just didn't have any work and I know thats not good, but its better than not being able to work lol I just took the opportunity to heal up, should be good to go.

The guitar is going well, Im enjoying it. Im so glad I took lessons. Id be watching "tutorials for beginners" online and for a true novice, even though I see what they are doing, I can't really see...if that makes sense. I had no clue (how could I) that my hand position were all wrong and zero technique, so yea, I would have been quitting soon from not processing fairly quickly had I not opted for help.
You play bass right?
Id love to get in to that too.
My nephew has a band and he sings and plays guitar. His brother used to drum for him and our cousin plays bass and is getting back in to it.
I told my nephews, what I want, is when Im decent enough, lets all collaborate on something and go in the studio and get something down on tape.
I think thats a realistic goal and would be fun.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on May 14, 2019, 12:18:30 AM
Nothing wrong with using that time to heal up either...I should follow that advice sometime.

And yeah, taking actual lessons for instruments seems to work better at first to build up a foundation. Video and book are nice, but can also develop bad habits early that an instructor might otherwise catch. As you know, it's much harder to break a habit once it's there. Glad the guitar's going well for you, and I do hope you can get in the studio! That would be a dream of mine.

I do play bass, and played piano too. Been awhile though...finally brought Stitch (my bass) with me to Chicago, and hoping to swing over to Chicago Music Exchange to get it tuned up and restrung. I can neither confirm nor deny the rumor that I may also bring another instrument home as well.  8)
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 14, 2019, 01:12:11 AM
Stitch lol love it!

Excellent point about the bad habits. I didn't have time to develop any thankfully.

You live in Chicago full time?
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on May 14, 2019, 08:59:11 AM
Stitch lol love it!

Excellent point about the bad habits. I didn't have time to develop any thankfully.

You live in Chicago full time?

Here at least until the beginning of August when my contract ends, debating what to do next after that. If they offer to extend like they have twice already, I may do that again. I'm comfortable at this hospital and here in general but I don't want to get too comfortable. Also started working on obtaining my California license so we'll see.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 14, 2019, 09:54:50 AM
Stitch lol love it!

Excellent point about the bad habits. I didn't have time to develop any thankfully.

You live in Chicago full time?

Here at least until the beginning of August when my contract ends, debating what to do next after that. If they offer to extend like they have twice already, I may do that again. I'm comfortable at this hospital and here in general but I don't want to get too comfortable. Also started working on obtaining my California license so we'll see.

way way way back when, I had an opportunity to move to Chicago for work and it just didn't appeal to me then. Doesn't really now either, but more so than it did lol
I guess Im saying, id like to see the town but not live there because, fuck the winter
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 14, 2019, 11:56:13 AM
Stitch lol love it!

Excellent point about the bad habits. I didn't have time to develop any thankfully.

You live in Chicago full time?

Here at least until the beginning of August when my contract ends, debating what to do next after that. If they offer to extend like they have twice already, I may do that again. I'm comfortable at this hospital and here in general but I don't want to get too comfortable. Also started working on obtaining my California license so we'll see.

You must enjoy moving, which is an activity I have come to despise over the course of my life.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: TheNorm on May 14, 2019, 02:45:15 PM

way way way back when, I had an opportunity to move to Chicago for work and it just didn't appeal to me then. Doesn't really now either, but more so than it did lol
I guess Im saying, id like to see the town but not live there because, fuck the winter

I get it. I have a decent bar right across the street from me, as in I could walk out of the condo complex, cross the street and be at the bar in two minutes. One night it was maybe 15 below but someone said I should get out and explore. Took two steps outside and turned right back around and decided to drink solo that night and ordered a pizza lol. But it's starting to warm up now, and this town in the non-winter months can be quite fun. :)


You must enjoy moving, which is an activity I have come to despise over the course of my life.

Oddly enough I'm indifferent. Moving kinda sucks, but as far as the job goes I get to do my work without having to deal with the bullshit of hospital politics (which I really got tired of). Some drawbacks but right now I can't complain, plus I get to travel to spots I like. It's almost like a working vacation; on my off days I get to explore the town a bit.

I should write about this travel nurse deal more.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 14, 2019, 03:06:42 PM
thats pretty cool norm.

Im assuming you rent there?
Any opinion on renting v owning?

Whats everyone's thoughts?

Im going back and forth, and even so when I bought my house recently.
I purchased way out in the burbs, hell not even burbs, its a podunk town way outside Houston lol
There's just no way in hell I can afford to buy in town or even surrounding town. I was going to rent a place instead of buying, but opted for the latter.
I like my house. Its more than enough room for me, I have yard space and don't have neighbors sardined next to me, like in my previous small patio home.
But the drive. God I hate the drive. Anything I want to do, I have to drive back to town. Bowling twice a week at least, guitar lessons, record store trips, meet friends, always have to drive back in to Houston. Sometimes, my job will end in the afternoon, Ill drive home for 40 minutes, turn around and go back to town for guitar lessons lets say, then 45 minutes back. Do that a few times a week plus the normal rush hour drive in and it gets old, fast.
However, if I rent in town, Ill pay a bit more than my mortgage and utilities and amenities but not a ton more.
No more buying a new roof, no more water heater replacement, no more lawn care, no more maintenance of any kind, which is beyond awesome.
And Im near everything and could even uber to jobs in 5-10 minutes and avoid 25-50 parking fees I currently absorb.
But, now Im paying more than I was on my mortgage for a 600 square foot studio or one bedroom with a shit galley kitchen.
Now, I risk having shitty loud obnoxious neighbors and now I can't have appliances I want and I don't have a decent sized kitchen to cook.

Buying is the better investment, but, to me, it always comes down to these two features.
Live close, sacrifice space. Live far, sacrifice amenities and a drive.

This turned in to, something I didnt intend lol
Im still considering selling this house after next month when Ill have a year in to avoid capitol gains taxes. I like the house, just not where it is and its a daily battle for my happiness.
 
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Bucfever on May 14, 2019, 04:26:53 PM
I've had this talk with the fiancee.

I'm always of two minds. On the one hand, my father has always said for years that property is the best investment and it's always better to own than rent.

On the other, my generation watched what happened with the housing crisis in 2008, what's STILL happening today in some areas, and of course I live outside of Seattle so housing prices start high in Seattle, and stay pretty high as they extend out, so it's a weird position.

The place the fiancee and I rent now is 2 br, 2 bath, with a one-car garage and driveway, and it's about, with utilities.......$2200, or so?

We've already had some issues with appliances not working (including an extended issue with the damn fireplace while Winter was happening, that was fun), and yeah, on the one hand, that sucked, but the management is very nice, so are the maintenance guys, and most importantly I'm not required to pay them to come fix things.

Whereas, say, that fireplace issue, I can only imagine how much that alone would have cost if we were living in our own place. This is why I'm OBSESSIVE about saving money, because I always think "god forbid today's the day my transmission goes out in my car" or "today's the day heating stops working," but, again, on that second item, I don't REALLY have to worry about that, cost-wise. It's why if I ever buy a house I want to have a SHIT TON of money in reserve, because I can only think of the future in "worst-case scenarios."

So, yeah, I think it's one of those "what's best for you" things. We have people on both sides of us and above us (it's like, a townhouse style, I think it's called), but mostly we can't hear them except the people above us have a serious issue with stomping around, but at least it's not worse than that. We'd love to have our own place, no neighbors, but I also know here in Washington we'd probably be further out from work than we want to be right now, and at the moment our place is kind of perfectly in the center between North Washington and South Washington, so that's nice.
Title: Re: The Life Thread
Post by: Crewe on May 14, 2019, 05:12:44 PM
I've had this talk with the fiancee.

I'm always of two minds. On the one hand, my father has always said for years that property is the best investment and it's always better to own than rent.

On the other, my generation watched what happened with the housing crisis in 2008, what's STILL happening today in some areas, and of course I live outside of Seattle so housing prices start high in Seattle, and stay pretty high as they extend out, so it's a weird position.

The place the fiancee and I rent now is 2 br, 2 bath, with a one-car garage and driveway, and it's about, with utilities.......$2200, or so?

We've already had some issues with appliances not working (including an extended issue with the damn fireplace while Winter was happening, that was fun), and yeah, on the one hand, that sucked, but the management is very nice, so are the maintenance guys, and most importantly I'm not required to pay them to come fix things.

Whereas, say, that fireplace issue, I can only imagine how much that alone would have cost if we were living in our own place. This is why I'm OBSESSIVE about saving money, because I always think "god forbid today's the day my transmission goes out in my car" or "today's the day heating stops working," but, again, on that second item, I don't REALLY have to worry about that, cost-wise. It's why if I ever buy a house I want to have a SHIT TON of money in reserve, because I can only think of the future in "worst-case scenarios."

So, yeah, I think it's one of those "what's best for you" things. We have people on both sides of us and above us (it's like, a townhouse style, I think it's called), but mostly we can't hear them except the people above us have a serious issue with stomping around, but at least it's not worse than that. We'd love to have our own place, no neighbors, but I also know here in Washington we'd probably be further out from work than we want to be right now, and at the moment our place is kind of perfectly in the center between North Washington and South Washington, so that's nice.

Repairs are an issue, but honestly, its not that bad if you are moderately able to pocket a little money. A shit ton always helps of course, but you just have to plan.
For instance, my roof has maybe 10 years left so I figure how much it costs and sock away x$ a month so its not a huge hit when the time comes, same with tires for your car or anything really.
Thats not to say there aren't emergencies that drain you.

The townhouse living is hit and miss. One Gil I was dating lived in one in a great part of town, expensive, but not absurd.
When I first went there, I thought this is nice, because I hated mine, ghetto kids and neighbors, just freakin noise all the time. After being there a bit, I hear stomping around and carelessness. "That go on a lot here?" Yup, she says. Welp, Im not buying one now lol

Part of it is just this city. I really don't like it anymore, but I can't leave because my job doesn't travel well, I couldn't afford any start up time to try to get my business running in a new town.